I think I have discovered what I’ve been missing all this time. I’ve finally worked out why I sometimes get into these bouts of depression. Although I’m much better now. They are much fewer between and shorter-lived than they were a year ago. But I go through these periods where I feel like no one cares. And I think I know why.

It’s not that I don’t think that no one cares. I know people care. It’s just that I don’t feel needed. If that makes sense. To me, being needed is the greatest thing in the world. It gives me a sense of purpose. If I’m not needed, then I have to wonder what is the point.

What I mean by needed is that if I wasn’t in someone’s life, then they would be worse off. That is needed. That someone else’s life is better because of me. Maybe that is a horribly selfish thing to want. But usually the people I want to need me are the people that I need. So maybe it’s not. It just really sucks when you feel like that about one person, but you are fairly certain that they don’t feel that way about you. That it wouldn’t matter if you were in their life or not. It just makes me feel really insignificant and inconsequential.

Bleh. Maybe I just need sleep.