Okay, I am generally a nice person. I’m one of those people who, if someone cuts me off while driving, thinks of all the possible things that could be going on in their life to excuse their terrible driving etiquette. But if there was one place where I just really wanted to make fun of people, it would be online dating sites.

I will preface this by saying I have been a member of said site since 2004, mainly because they have lots of fun quizzes to pass the time when I’m bored. I’ve also met a number of very awesome, close friends on this site, like Jason (who is coming to visit this weekend, woohoo!), Chance, and Andy. So they aren’t all losers. (Except you, Chance. )

Anywho, being on there mostly for the quizzes, I have clearly stated in my profile that I don’t want to be hit on. Not that I don’t welcome the occasional flirt, but I used to get a ton of mail on the site that was just like, “I want you,” or some nonsense (actually, to be more accurate, “i want u”). So I do that to weed out most of the people. It was even creepier when I had my relationship status set to “seeing someone” and still got those emails. Needless to say, it is marked on my profile that I “reply very selectively”. In other words, I rarely write anyone back. And today, I’m showing you why.

These are all actual messages that I’ve gotten in the past two weeks.

Thanks, person who writes like he is texting.

I suppose this one isn’t all that bad, despite lack of capitalization. But, still. If you don’t ask me a question, I’m not really sure how to respond. This isn’t a job interview. “Tell me about yourself” will only get silence from me.

I am still wondering if this was an insult or not.

This one….I mean, did this guy expect me to respond to this? I’ve been on the site for five years, and it was to mainly take quizzes. That hardly qualifies me for being OCD.

This guy apparently did not get the “do not hit on me” memo.

This one either. And note to all the guys out there: if you can’t even proofread a super short message like this and realize that “geeky” does not have two gs in it, then I probably am not going to respond. I’m even less inclined when you use a ton of question marks and exclamation points.

I would have paid to see my face after reading this one. I mean, huh? Are these song lyrics, or is this guy just deranged?

I will say that my “very selective”-ness does not just come from avoiding strange messages. I will also admit that I am guilty of not responding to people if they list certain things in their profile. Like, if their favorite band is Nickelback (okay, if they list Nickelback at all). Or they watch only reality TV. Or if I don’t like 90% of the movies they list. Or if I’m just not in a mood to talk to people. And, yes, I judge people based on grammar.