I’m hanging in there…
I thought some people may have been concerned with all my recent depressing Facebook statuses…
Soon after Ben and I officially parted ways back in February, I had a doctor’s appointment. It was mainly a general checkup (since I hadn’t been to a GP in, oh, 10 years), but also to get medication for my asthma that I’ve had for roughly 9 years and never did anything about. During this check-up, my blood pressure was taken three times. It was high every time. My doctor was, of course, concerned. I explained I was going through a rather traumatic breakup, and she said that could definitely do it. She scheduled another appointment for two months later so she could check up on how the medication was doing and whether my blood pressure was still high.
Cue April. My asthma medication wasn’t working, so she put me on Advair (which is working great, by the way). My blood pressure was again checked three different times. (Can I just say that I’ve almost started hating the blood pressure cuff thing as much as needles?) Again, it was really high. She told me to monitor it over the next few weeks (by checking it at drugstores) and to report back. I have yet to do this because I highly doubt that it’s gone down. I have another doctor’s appointment at the end of June, so I’m hoping to rectify it before then.
There are two reasons I think it’s so high, and I’m sure they are related: stress and lack of sleep. I haven’t slept for a full 8 hours since….December? I started having severe asthma problems around the end of December (hence, prompting me to schedule the February appointment) which interfered with my sleep, and my body just hasn’t corrected itself. This may be due, in my opinion, to stress. There are currently three major things stressing me out at the moment, two of them being work and Ben’s presence (no offense, Ben, but you know it’s true). I’m not going to get into the third, because it’s a really stupid thing to be stressing out over.
All this stress pretty much reached a climax over the past two days. I had a major argument with Ben over various random things yesterday, and then my work stress peaked at about 4pm today. What everything basically boiled down to is that I felt that no one was appreciating anything I did, no matter which part of my life it was. I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty selfless person, but, as I said a few weeks ago, I think I’ve turned into kind of a doormat. The problem is that I get frustrated being a doormat and all that frustration comes out at one time.
That day was today.
Being in a bad mood, for whatever reason, also causes me to have all sorts of other negative thoughts like how I’m scared I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life and that I’m never going to find love again and all this other emo crap that I don’t normally think about.
I tried, tried, tried to get out of the house to calm myself down, but no one was biting. I had already eaten dinner at Mellow Mushroom alone, and the last thing I really wanted to do was spend more time with my frustrated self. I wanted to just go sit somewhere other than my house and listen to someone else talk and maybe get a nice hug. That didn’t happen. In all my frustration, I stopped paying attention to important things like walking and fell down my stairs and hit my head. Ouchie. So now I’m frustrated and stressed out with a mild concussion (although the headache has gone considerably down) and still unable to sleep. It’s not been a good night.
I dug out my childhood teddy bear to comfort me, but I think I just depressed him.
Here is to tomorrow, with hopefully no stress (at least it’s Saturday and I won’t have to deal with work) and no concussions.