Cake is better than pie.

Earlier, I happened upon this amusing-yet-totally-wrong blog post about pie and cake. I had to stop and re-read what it was trying to sell me. Pie? Better than cake? People really think this way? So, I have prepared a rebuttal.

Don’t get me wrong, I like pie. Some of it. Not that fruit-filled stuff. (C’mon, it’s dessert. It’s not supposed to be healthy!) Chocolate pie is good. Kentucky Derby pie is great. Boston Cream Pie is the best. Oh, wait. That’s not even really pie, is it? It’s cake. And it’s pretty sad when the best a dessert has to offer is really just something else in disguise.

Now, point by point…

#1. They say that while cake initially tastes better, pie’s enjoyment lasts longer. Um, what? What kinds of cakes have you been eating? Cake is enjoyable from the first bite to the last, and usually then I want more. They even admit that CAKE TASTES BETTER.

#2. They say that unequal frosting distribution is a minus for cakes. Um, at least cakes have frosting.

#3. They say that a greater amount of the pie is enjoyable. Apparently there are people who just like frosting and only the frosting. These people have never had a well-made cake. I think they just need to expand their cake tasting beyond Wal-mart’s bakery.

#4. They claim that because pie charts exist and cake charts do not, this makes pie better because it’s more scientifically viable. Well, cake is more mathematically viable, as there is a cake number and not a pie number. (And pi does not count; it’s not even spelled the same.)

#5. This was the most messed up point of all. They claim pie can be eaten in more situations and provide this little chart:

Um, what? First of all, why is pie equal with cake on birthdays? Who has ever heard of birthday pie? Please. Any child that ended up with a birthday pie would be the laughingstock of all their friends. I’ll give Halloween to pie, if they are referring to pumpkin pie, though I’ve never actually eaten pumpkin pie on any day other than Thanksgiving. And Christmas? Have we not heard of fruitcake? While it’s the black sheep of the cake world, it still counts. And they’ve left out one important event: weddings! Weddings have cake (usually)! Finally, birthdays and weddings both can happen year round. Halloween? It’s once a year. The graph should have looked more like this:

Even pie fans should see this goes right to cake.

#6. They claim that cake has longer-lasting negative consequences because it can cause diabetes when eating a lot over time. News flash: so can pie.

So now that I have debunked all of their claims, I would like to add one more thing that weighs this heavily in cake’s favor. The cast of Lost? They like cake.